And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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