That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Of course I have a pirate flag
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
