Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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