just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
