My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
