During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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