i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
