Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
