don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
