so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
