i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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