and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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