I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize