dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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