So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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