i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize