Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize