Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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