What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
