well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
