You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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