Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
