sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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