lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was born a porn star she said
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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