How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
