My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
