in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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