do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
