Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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