I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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