I just pynch a tree in the face
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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