Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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