can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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