this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
