My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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