I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
