Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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