first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
