Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize