new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
