Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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