Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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