..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sober January is a disaster.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
