There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
