so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize