you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize