You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
