the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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