I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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