one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
