I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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