so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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