I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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