he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
