Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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