Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
