There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
