Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
