Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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