Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
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