Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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