I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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