dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize