i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
