i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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