her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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