i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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