mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize