YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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