I don't usually arrange sex via text message
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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