i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
